Max on Valium Again
by WinterSky101's Old Stuff
Summary: Max needs to have another surgery! The problem? The only available painkiller is Valium. Again. Yippie. Please note sarcasm.


**Me: Well, this is a longish oneshot.**

**Angel: 1,122 words, not including the author's notes.**

**Total: Max got onto the Valium again...**

**Me: It's funny!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Maximum Ride. I do own Star and Chocolate. My little sister owns Lizzie and my little brother owns Circuit. Rose the packs fang named them all.**

**Max's POV**

Crap. So, I need to have some sort of painkiller to have this bullet taken out of my arm, since I'm going into surgery. The bullet is embedded in my arm, so it's not going to come out on its own. And let me tell you, it hurts like _hell_. So I need to have the surgery.

The bad part? The only painkiller available is _Valium_. Kill me now. I would rather have the surgery with no painkillers than with Valium.

And, yet again, Fang is going to be there. Poor guy.

"Okay, Max? So, I'm going to give you the Valium now," my mom said.

I moaned. "Are you sure there isn't anything else?"

"Sorry Max. Nope."

I groaned. "Go ahead. But Fang, I don't mean anything I say."

"Sure," Fang said sarcastically. "So you don't love me _thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis_ much?"

I wanted to shriek at him, then I felt an odd sensation of peace. The Valium.

"Hey, Fang?" I asked.

"What, Max?" he asked in a slightly scared voice.

"Why is there a chocolate lab named Chocolate staring at me?"

"There's no lab named Chocolate here..." Fang started. I stared at him. I obviously saw a little chocolate lab staring at me, sitting in Ella's lap.

"Well, what about the seal named Star?" I challenged.

Fang looked at me oddly. "Um, there's no seal here."

"It's on the ceiling! Can't you see it?"

"No..." Fang said uncertainly.

"Well, what about the lizard named Lizzie on your head? She's eating your hair," I said in a matter-of-fact voice.

"There is no lizard on my head, and there is most certainly not a lizard eating my hair."

"Well, you _have_ to see Circuit the bunny that's hopping around behind Mom."

"No, I don't."

I sighed. Fang was so clueless! "Oh, hey Star," I said as the seal came over to me.

"Max, look into my eyes." Whoa. His voice was creepy! "What do you see?"

I stared hard. "I see...my reflection. "

"Funny," he replied in a demonic voice. "Most people see death and destruction. Then they fall asleep, and when they wake up, the world is being overrun by CARROTS! "

"Okay, okay, you got your chance," said Chocolate, coming over. "Now, look into MY eyes, Maximum. What do you see? "

"I can't see your eyes."

"Then look into my mouth!" he exclaimed. "What do you see now? "

"Um...a tongue."

"Strange," Chocolate said in an evil voice. "Most people see woods, then a fire, then the world being destroyed by flames! Then they fall in a deep, deep, DEEP sleep and when they wake up, the world is being overrun by CABBAGES! They took over from the carrots, killing them to get VENGENCE!"

"LOOK INTO MY STOMACH! " Lizzie the lizard yelled.

"...I can't see in there," I said awkwardly.

"Odd," Lizzie replied. "Most people see milk...or, or, or, or, or, OOOOOOOR, sometimes...THEY SEE MY MOTHER! Yep. I ate my mother. Stupid frog-flamingo hybrid. "

"Okay... " This was starting to get really creepy.

"Did I tell you?" Lizzie asked. "I'm one half thorny devil, one fourth flamingo, and one fourth FROG! That's how I can do that puffer-thing. Yeah. Isn't it awesome? "

"Sure... " I replied.

"Ooh, ooh, ooh!" cried Lizzie. "Look at Circuit over there! HEY CIRCUT! "

"There's no point to life... " Circuit moaned.

"Is he emo? " I asked.

"Yup," Lizzie replied.

"JUST LIKE FANG! " I cried out.

"No," Lizzie corrected. "He hates pain. He likes numb! NUMB! _NUMB!_"

"Odd," I replied.

This experience on Valium was _way_ weirder than the first one.

**Fang's POV**

Oh joy. Max is going to have Valium again. Yippie.

Please note sarcasm. NOT AGAIN!

"Okay, Max? I'm going to give you the Valium now," Dr. M. explained.

Max moaned. A smirk stole across my face, but I pushed it off. "Are you sure there isn't anything else?"

"Sorry Max. Nope."

Max groaned and another smirk stole across my face. "Go ahead. But Fang, I don't mean anything I say."

"Sure," I said sarcastically, not going to pass up the opportunity to tease her. "So you don't love me _thiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiis_ much?"

Max's face contorted in anger, then her expression turned to one of peace. The Valium was working. Now, is that a good thing or a bad thing?

"Hey, Fang?" she asked me dreamily. Oh, crap.

"What, Max?" I asked in a slightly scared voice. Of course, I was actually terrified, but I couldn't show it. I was Fang. Sigh.

"Why is there a chocolate lab named Chocolate staring at me?" she asked me.

"There's no lab named Chocolate here..." I started to say. Max stared at me.

"Well, what about the seal named Star?" she said in a challenging voice.

I gave Max an odd look. "Um, there's no seal here."

"It's on the ceiling! Can't you see it?" she protested.

"No..." I said uncertainly. Was this supposed to happen? It didn't last time...

"Well, what about the lizard named Lizzie on your head? She's eating your hair," she said in a matter-of-fact voice. Max was really starting to worry me.

"There is no lizard on my head, and there is most certainly not a lizard eating my hair," I replied. There wasn't, was there?

"Well, you _have_ to see Circuit the bunny that's hopping around behind Mom."

"No, I don't." I said, checking to make sure.

Max's eyes focused on something that wasn't there. "Oh, hey Star," she said. Star...the seal. Oh, no. She's _talking_ to them now.

She frowned slightly. "I see...my reflection." What? There was nothing to reflect her on in here! And who is she talking to anyway?

"I can't see your eyes," Max said. What? Was she having a _conversation_ with the imaginary animals? Oh, this would be great blackmail later...

"Um, a tongue." ...Wha? That made no sense. Where was that coming from?

"...I can't see in there," she said in an awkward voice. Max was scaring me.

"Okay..." she said slowly. This was amusing and frightening at the same time.

"Sure..." Max sounded unsure of herself.

"Is he emo?" she exclaimed suddenly. Where was that coming from?

"JUST LIKE FANG!" she squealed. Then she frowned. "Odd."

Is she saying I'm emo?

**Me: Yes, Fang. Yes she is.**

**Angel: But Fang's not emo!**

**Total: *snort***

**Angel: He's not!**

**Me: Well, REVIEW!**


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